Transcripts/WAY TOO ADULT
Thomas: Hi. My name is Thomas Sanders and yes, I have worn this shirt for the fifteen millionth time. LET’S MOVE ON! *logo* Thomas: WHAT IS UP, EVERYBODY?! So, like many other people in America, I’m getting ready for that magnificent Thursday that comes around every year where we gather round the table with our family, avoid conversation pertaining to politics and my lack of a significant other, and gorge ourselves on more food than we would ever naturally eat any other day of the year. -gasp- That was one breath. Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is what I was referring to. I don’t know if any of you were confused. This year, however, will be just a bit different. I shall be the only one of the four brothers there. So naturally, my dad has asked me to help cook the meal. Here’s the thing though, I still don’t really know how to cook. Dad: WHAT?! Okay, I’ve had enough of this. Thomas: Umm… My dad character. What are you doing here? I had you here last time to help represent my moral side. Dad: Well then just think of me as your sense of morality really firing back at you with a vengeance today. Do you know how often you say you can’t cook? Lots of times. Do you know how often you try to learn to cook? Zero times. Thomas: Not true. There was that one time a few months ago when…You’re right it’s already a bad sign that I have to go back that far. Dad: Being able to cook yourself a meal is an essential part of living as an adult. Thomas: -short burst of music- GAH! Why you gotta say that word? Dad: What? Adult? -another short bust of music- Thomas: I had that music set up specifically for this. Dad: Oh, come on!! I’m an adult! I’m a dad, it’s not that scary. Thomas: Your face is scary. Dad: You realize we… Thomas: ...have the same face. Yeah, I messed up. This is not my day today. Dad: Okay, let’s calm down. Why don’t we go through a list of what you can do yourself. Thomas: Okay, yeah, sure. Umm...yeah I can manage that. Dad: Can you change the oil in your car? Thomas: I don’t think so. Dad: Okay. Can you do taxes? Thomas: Absolutely, I cannot. Dad: Can you handle disposing bugs, spiders, or other creatures you may find in your house? Thomas: ...C’mon. Dad: Yeah, that's a no. Thomas: UGH THIS IS SO BAD. I am literally failing at the process of becoming an adult. Dad: Which we all know is referred to as...adultery. Thomas: No, no. Dad: N-No?? Thomas: That is not a correct statement. No. No. Dad: Hmm...I thought that was a thing. Thomas: It’s a thing. It’s just a different thing. You know? Dad: Oh, it is? Okay. well, so... -laugh- Thomas: Like really though, how am I this bad at taking care of myself? I treat the stove in my kitchen like a friend that I’ve been neglecting. *new scene* ♪ My humps… ♪ Stove: Hey Thomas! Thomas: Hey man! Stove: How you been? Thomas: I’m doing well, thank you for asking. I’m doing very well. Stove: Have any food to cook? Thomas: Umm...Hmm...Nah. Stove: Even just good old ramen or something? Thomas: Ahh...Umm...You know, I’m not really feeling hungry at the moment so… Stove: Ah… True, true. Yeah. Thomas: Yes. Stove: Who you calling? Thomas: Oh, no one. Just you know...my mom. She, asked me to call her. So... Stove: Totally, sounds lit. Thomas: -laughs- Yeah… Stove: You know, unlike me...because I’m an unlit stove. Have been for some time now… -laughs- Thomas: Okay, well I’m going to go. Stove: Cool, cool. Uh… yeah, yeah, yeah. Thomas: Um... Good seeing you again. Stove: See you later. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Thomas: Alright, um… Catch up with you later? Stove: Yeah. Thomas: Yeah. Stove: See you later. Thomas: Yeah, good seeing you. Stove: See you later. Thomas: -whispering- Yes, I’d like a large cheese, please. Dad: Yeah that’s pretty bad. Thomas: I knowwww. Dad: Well it’s all in baby steps, like everything you’ve learned in life. Thomas: Like what? Dad: Well, you wash your own laundry, don’t you? Thomas: Yeah. Dad: You’ve learned how to eat better and exercise. Thomas: I still eat a ton of pizza, but yeah. Dad: And when dealing with other people, you know when to stand up for what’s right and when to turn the other cheek. Thomas: I show them my butt! Dad: Not what I meant. And you should probably stop showing people your… Well… one problem at a time. The point is… you didn’t always know to do those things, and they came about because you took the time to learn. Thomas: Ahh, you’re right. Dad: Learn from your parents, and hopefully they will also take the time to learn from you and what you know. Thomas: How to turn on the computer so my mom can play Solitaire. Dad: Right. Thomas: I hope you all learn new ways of becoming independent. And becoming an adult shouldn’t mean losing the sense of who you are. Dad: Course not! You can still be a kid at heart, just learn about the world around you, as well as skills that will help you and others. Thomas: And learning how to be an adult is not a race! So, no pressure in figuring it all out. Dad: That’s right! But you, Thomas… You should learn how to cook. Thomas: Got it. Dad: And remember… you’re a real “pizza” work. ...'Cause you like pizza… Thomas: Got it, yeah. Dad: Ta-ta. I wish you the best of luck in your adultery. Thomas: That’s not… Okay… Well! As I go and attempt to learn something new, I hope that you all have the opportunity to do the same. And until next time, take it easy guys, gals, and non-binary pals! PEACE OUT! *end card* Thomas: Hey. Stove: Uh, hey. Thomas: So, I was thinking… Stove: Yeah? Thomas: Thanksgiving is coming up, and I wondered if maybe… Stove: Yeah? Thomas: We can rekindle our friendship? Stove: Aww. Let’s start with you rekindling a fire on this stove buddy! Thomas: You got it! -laughs- Stove: That’s a...uh...plastic plate. Thomas: Oh… um. Stove: You know you can’t put that on me, right? Thomas: Oh yeah, sure. Mm-hmm… I knew. Stove: I’m scared. Thomas: Me too. Category:Transcripts